All day Saturday I suffered with strong shadows and the occasional attack from the beast but assumed it was down to the sudden change in weather and the storms we are having in the early hours. I was again woken this morning at 3am by the strong shadows and i have been awake and suffering every since. To be honest i didn’t really get any sleep apart from a couple of hours during the night where i must have dropped off despite the head aching and thumping all the time.
Normally after a weather change the attacks always seem to calm down and the shadows ease away after a couple of days but for some reason this year is not happening and i am suffering with the shadows more often. I should be grateful that the attacks have reduced to the number they have as if i was still as bad as i was in the Winter i don’t know what i would do. The trouble with the shadow feeling all the time is that you know it is leading to an attack and is only time before you are battling with the beast once again so end up shutting yourself away scared to go anywhere.
I have yet to have a full week where i don’t get any attacks at all and am wondering if my condition is actually getting worst. I seem to be getting stronger attacks and even though we are in summer, where the attacks normally disappear completely, i am still getting some very bog attacks and a lot of pain. My back is also in a lot of pain all the time and also seems to be getting worst. i am finding myself experience more days where i find it difficult to walk and lift my legs. Its as if they suddenly become really heavy and ache with each step i take as if someone or something has given you a dead leg.
All i can do for the time being is wait for my next appointment with the specialist and hope he can help to find some of the answers as to what is happening to me and if they can do something to help. For today i will just have to try and get plenty of rest and see if i can make up for all the lost sleep and hope that the beast is just as tired as me and will let me rest to gain my strength.
