At first your eyes open and you are just laid there staring up at the ceiling wondering what is going on, you realise you are wide awake and don’t feel tired at all. Then suddenly it dawns on you and you sit up in bed only to be welcomed by the beast in the early hours of the morning. The pain shoots out from behind your left eye over the top of the head and into the base of the skull where it joins the neck. You get a feeling like there is a ball stuck in your neck at the point it joins the skull and no matter what you do you can’t seem to remove the feeling. The pains grows in strength and your eye begins to close and water starts to stream out from behind the eye ball. By this point you are in so much agony you are praying to god for it to stop. You jump out of bed and reach for your injection knowing it is one of only two you can take to abort the attack. You start to question yourself, do you waste it ion this attack? will you be able to ride it out? or will the pain ease after a short while?
As time goes by you can feel the attack getting stronger and stronger, you run into your living room and sit there with your oxygen mask over your face and the valve opened up fully. You are still praying for the pain to go and at this point you are starting to welcome death. Just to be in peace and not have this pain all the time you wonder will this be the one? Will this be the attack to end all attacks. You feel like you are about to have a heart attack or a stroke and the panic starts to set in so you decide to give in and take your injection. What seems like a life time, is actually only a few seconds waiting and the injection begins to kick in. Your breathing becomes shallow and your chest becomes tight. You believe you are going to have a heart attack but before anything starts to happen the pain just suddenly stops as the injection takes over and you are left feeling short of breath and energy and a slight feeling of sickness.
I have lost count the amount of times i have had to start the day like this. I hate the early morning wake up calls from the beast as i can never get back to sleep afterwards and always end up feeling like the walking dead for the rest of the day. I can see why it has started over the last couple of days as the weather is turning once again and storms are on their way. It has been raining all night and is forecast to continue for the rest of the day so i think it is down to the weather that the attacks have been set of once again. I always think to myself that it is silly to think that the weather can cause such a problem but i have seen some crazy things so far in my life all down to the weather. I have seen bad depression triggered by the winter knows as S.A.D. I have also seen people who suffer migraines all caused from the weather and the low pressure fronts that move over us. I believe that’s how it effects me as i get some crazy swelling on the head when the attacks are bad and the swelling travels from the front of the skull all the way to the back where the pain enters the neck.
Well i am praying and hoping for better weather tomorrow as i was planning to join my mother and step-father fishing at out local lake. Even though my back is still playing up something terrible i will still go as i want to get out of the flat for the day and get some fresh air doing something i enjoy and i can;t think of a better way than fishing with your friends and family. My bowls have also decided to play up today and i have to say they are very bad as it is making sitting here at the desk very uncomfortable and painful. I am not sure what has set them off as i have only taken my medication and had a cup of coffee so the only thing i can think it could be is the milk. Maybe i am starting to become irritated by full cream milk and maybe i should go for the more healthier option in the future, Maybe that will stop the bowls playing up first thing in the morning. Ever since i took the Verapamil and had the reaction to the medication, that i thought was about to kill me, i have suffered with IBS and for some reason it just wont go. You would have thought once i stopped taking the medication that caused the problem your body would return back to normal but for some reason it has left me with IBS and now i suffer on a daily basis on top of everything else that is happening to me.
Its crazy as not only do i suffer from CH (Cluster Headaches) and Mild Bi-Polar Disorder i also now suffer from IBS (Irritable Bowl Syndrome) & Arthritis of the Back or something similar. I can’t say for sure what is going on with the back and my walking until i have seen the specialist and got a proper diagnosis from them. To top it all off with the bowls causing hard wind travelling and trapping in and around the organs causing me sharp pain all the time. So you can imagine, i am getting pain when i walk, pain when i sit, pain when i move a little and the wind moves and pain when the attacks come, and the specialists wonder why i am so down all the time and depressed. Then just lately i have been also suffering from some very strong panic attacks just to put the icing on the cake so to speak. I normally get panic attacks from being bi-polar but these are mild and after suffering the condition since i was 9 or 10 i have learnt to deal with them and normally ride them out with out a problem but these new attacks are very strong and hard to deal with. Even though you know deep down that it’s only a panic attack it is still scary and with every thing else that is going on you tend to think you are about to die or have a stroke making it a lot harder to deal with and stay calm. i have tried all sorts of relaxation and breathing techniques but nothing seems to work or help. Lets just hope things start to improve a little once i have seen my doctor next week and try and get her to chase up the referral for my back and walking. At least if i can get an answer as to what is going on i won’t worry so much and the panic will be a lot less and easier to deal with.
