It starts with a small twinge in the neck then suddenly your gum or tooth starts to hurt or become sore on the left side of the mouth. You then feel like there's not quite something right with your neck and you keep bending it like your expecting the bones to crack. The twinge in the neck becomes stronger and the soreness in the mouth becomes unbearable and then suddenly the pain shoots from the top of your jaw on the left side up the side of your nose and behind the eye. The eye suddenly feels like someone is trying to push a hot poker through it and that's when the pain increases yet again. The pain the spreads over the top of the head on the left side and down the back into your neck where you were getting the twinges. It makes you feel like you have something stuck between the joints in the neck and is extremely painful. The pain reaches levels that you just can’t explain and you are screaming to god for it to stop. The pain just continues making you sweat but not just a small amount. oh no! you pour with sweat like someone has turned on a tap and your clothes become soaked. As the pain increases it makes you hear ringing in your ears and the more the pain the louder the ringing in the ears. Sometimes it can be over in about 10 minuets but mostly it will last anything up to 2 hours but mostly around the hour mark. That;s how the attacks build when i have a bad head and its not just one attack its several per day.
How i have managed so long with these attacks i just don’t know. My health has been awful since the attacks started and has been steadily going down hill ever since i had the problem with one of the medication the doctors gave me to try. I have suffered with back problems, with bowl problems and problems with my walking whilst all the time getting the attacks on a daily basis and having to try and deal with them. Each time i see the doctor she just doesn’t seem to know what to do or what is going on, everything we have discussed seem to all lead back to the attacks and the condition i have. Something is making the attacks worst than they should be and something is causing me all these problems with my back and my bowl but we still haven’t found what it is. I have had a load of blood tests to add to all the x-rays and scans i had in the hospital when i was rushed in but still nothing is showing. I haven’t had a day with out pain for almost a year now and it is really starting to get to me.
I am lucky in one respect as i have my computer, internet, websites and fishing to try and keep my mind of my problems but it doesn’t always work. Each week i try to improve my web sites and create new features plus write up any stories i have about our fishing trips but the is only so much you can do. I a,m now finding myself struggling to find things to occupy my mind. It doesn’t help with my stupid mood swings due to the bi-polar in me. one minuet i am low and the end of the world is coming and the next i am hyper and looking for things to do running round like a chicken with its head cut off except i haven’t been able to this time as when i try and go out and walk a distance i am stopped in my tracks by the pain in the back and the legs going dead or turning to lead all the time. I just wish this wasn’t happening to me!
“There are thousands of people out there that are worst off than me that like me have to experience pain every day of their lives as they struggle with their conditions”. That’s what i keep saying to myself over and over again. I should be grateful for what i do have and what i can do where there are so many others that don’t have the things i have and can’t do the things i can do. Some how i have to get out of the rut i am in ad try and get things sorted so i can live a comfortable life with regards to my health but i just can’t seem to find the strength anymore. My mum and step father have been god sends since all this started to get bad and my health started to go down hill. They have been trying to include me in the fishing trips they go on and help me get out of the house other wise i would stay shut away all the time. Too scared to go out in case of an attack or the back goes funny and i can no longer walk. Always frightened of the pain and the attack of the beast when it comes.
All i can do for the time being is take each day as it comes and to try and stay in a positive mood no matter how hard it is. I also need to continue with my fishing and start going on a few more trips as i want to go and visit different lakes and rivers and fisheries around Wales. My fishing is the last and only sport i can take part in due to my health so i have to grab hold with both hands and not let go, so to speak. If i concentrate more on my fishing and the trips and venues we will go to then maybe it will help me keep my mind off the pain and illness that is shadowing me all the time. I have some good friends who help me out including John Rees who, over the last year, has become a very good friend as he understands my condition and the attacks i have as his daughter, bless her soul, has a similar problem due to a brain tumour that she has to have an operation to remove the tumour that will leave her having to learn her speech and walking all over again and will give her attacks similar to mine on a daily, weekly or monthly basis. Its because of John and the thought of his daughter having to suffer like i suffer that has given me a new strength. Just to think someone so young has to go through all this. I have the strength of an adult and understand what is going on when she doesn’t know what is happening and why she has to suffer. My prayers are always with her.
