Its no surprise that the beast has called yet again in the early hours and that the attack was again a strong one that lasted some time before the injection was able to abort it. It has left me with a very sore neck and back this morning and also a feeling of pressure on the left side of the head known as the shadow. This “shadow” as they call it is one of the warning signs that i am going to have some very nasty and strong attacks later in the day and i normally get it when the weather is really cold. This is the first sure sign that winter is fast approaching and its time for me to start preparing myself for what lies ahead.
I have bought myself a nice thermal woollen hat that not only covers my head but also my ears and the back of my neck. It was actually one they use for Carp fishing during the winter and is designed to keep the coldest of days out so i am hoping this will be perfect for what i want it for. As long as i can keep the coldest of temperatures from effecting my neck and head i should be able to get through this winter with out too much hassle but something tells me i am in for a rough ride this year. I noticed a new pain last night, a really sharp stabbing pain right in the middle of my spine at the base of my back and is a constant one. I have looked to see if there is any insect bite or sign of a scar where i could have injured it but nothing is showing not even redness to the skin but the pain is definitely there. As to what is causing it i don’t know and only hope its something silly as its a bit worrying as it has been there for 2 days in total and no reason for it.
At first i thought it was just normal pains and aches like i usually get in my back but for some reason this pain stands out from the others. Again today i have a very sore back and any movement is met with sharp pain and agony and i am dreading walking to the shops or the chemist later this morning as it is really going to make it hurt. I don’t know how much more i can take of this and why the doctors haven’t found out what is causing it. I understand i suffer from a rare and un-curable condition but that’s no reason just to leave me rot away not knowing what is going on. With the winter approaching fast and the cold weather about to set in i have to find out what is going on as quickly as i can as it won’t be long before it all becomes too unbearable and i won’t be able to move at all. I am so hoping it doesn’t get that bad.
My mood i all over the place today as one minuet i am laughing at my predicament and the next i have tears in my eyes. The more i think about what is happening the more i become depressed and upset. If i could only get the back pain under control maybe it would seem so bad all the time. I know i have to put up with the head attacks and the strong shadows until they find the right medication in order to put the beast asleep, that i understand and can accept. The problem with the back i just don’t need at the moment as all the other problems are bad enough. Oh how i wish i was younger again, when i didn’t have a trouble in the world and was fit enough to play proper sports or go on vigorous outdoor activities with out a care in the world. As for now? all i can do i wait for the inevitable and pray it isn’t too painful to cope with.
